...you CAN'T say no? A close, old friend that I've recently reconnected with came to me with this issue, in utter desperation, and I did not know what to tell her (I told her my opinion but she fears bias...warranted, I guess). She gave me permission to post a description of her situation here, provided her anonymity is protected, to see what others think. She is too embarrassed to actually approach anyone else about this.

My friend has been dating her boyfriend for about a year. She was abused by her parents in the past, and, like me, has PTSD and other problems as a result. She feels extremely uncomfortable about sex, sometimes crying after or during because she feels dirty or ashamed. She is not sexually attracted to her boyfriend, but lacks the courage to tell him so, because she enjoys his companionship (he has said he would cut all contact with her were she to break up with him) and because she feels like he has to do something horribly wrong to "justify" breaking up. She has trouble saying "no," to him, though, because she feels tremendous amounts of guilt for his subsequent sadness. She recently broke down and explained her discomfort with sex to him, and he grudgingly accepted this fact, giving her a year to "get better," making her promise to "work on it," etc. He still often makes snide remarks about her "frigidity" and she feels all the more guilty for it. He still pressures her into non-penetrative sex acts, and orders her to do things, not asking her permission before doing things, either. This sounds awfully like rape to me, though she doesn't actually say "no" or stop him. She CAN'T say no, because of the way she is because of her trauma; in her head, she'll be screaming, "NO NO NO!" but out of her mouth comes a meek, "It's okay." She looks sad during, but he doesn't stop, though he does ask if she's okay from time to time. She'll nod, but she'll wish she could stand up for herself instead. He knows this; she's explained it. He says he often feels guilty about it, too, but she's too scared to tell him that maybe he should. He often talks to her about sex, asking if she's made any progress in getting better for him, but she's preoccupied with more important things, like just generally maintaining her already fragile sanity. She's convinced it is entirely her fault. Is it? If she feels too weak and afraid to confront him or leave (and has made me swear not to talk to him about it for her), what can she do to help herself? Any advice or opinions I can relay/quote to her would be greatly, greatly appreciated...as would any advice to me on how I can help her without getting involved in business that isn't my own or otherwise hurting our friendship. I don't know what to do, or what to tell her. I've offered my opinion and support, but I want to do more. I don't know; it all makes me very sad.