It can be helpful to have a role model such as T. I know myself, I do admire some of the qualities he has and try to incorporate them into my own life. I don't see anything wrong with using T as an example of what you'd like to be or have in your own life. I think that it can be healthy. As far as H goes, you are lucky to have that close relationship. Congratulations! In this day and age. Sometimes it's nice to find your own interests and maybe take a class or do something on your own. Sometimes that's enough to become more "individuated", and it just naturally happens that you feel more of yourself, while in the company of others, and less of a caretaker, as you describe yourself and can carry that over a bit into your marriage. I don't know.