I have come to realize my problem with asking for help months ago. When I was abused and neglected as an infant and child, my cries and calls for help were being denied. From 0-3, I did not really speak, therefore I cried. My cries angered my father. I was imposing on him. I was bothering him while he was doing the only things he wanted to do, that did not involve me. I was a burden to him. I was nothing. My needs were nothing to him. He would not help me. My needs were denied. They did not matter. It was only my cries that got my father's attention. But it was also my cries that angered him and brought out his violence. Therefore, I was punished for calling out, for asking for help for my needs to be met.

Now I am reluctant to ask for help. But if I do I only tend to ask for help for one person over and over. Since my mother did usually get my needs met, I clung to her, and now that is what I do with whoever will offer me help. There are some people more recently who have offered help, but then acted as if it was so hard for them to do. I don't ask those people for help. Because of this I have even fewer people I can turn to for support. I really don't feel like I have a support system at all. And those that I ask for help from, I feel like I ask them for too much. I don't want to ask for help. I want to be able to completely take care of myself by myself, independently. But I know there are many times that I can't. There's so many people in this world, so that we can help each other. Not so that we can all live by ourselves.