Where do I start this story, especially when I only have pieces of it?....

My father-in-law is an immigrant. He left a family in his native country. Because of the laws in his native country, people can not go back there. So he left his wife and two kids there. My husband wants to be able to go back there someday and meet his half brother and half sister. I feel odd about this, because if it was my husband who left the country and went and had a family with someone else and never came back....I would be pretty mad. And the kids...he left his kids, would they not be mad also? They may never see their father again....

Well my father-in-law had four kids with my mother-in-law. Once they moved to our currant city when my husband was 15, my father-in-law left them and went back to the FL and after a while found a new girlfriend. Well, my mother-in-law found a new boyfriend who was violent with her. He got her to abandon her kids. My husband is oldest and at the time the kids were I believe 18, 17, 8, and 3. The youngest were the two girls, and they were taken away by DHS. We assume they were adopted out. My brother-in-law was put in some kind of group home, but he was able to find my husband.

My husband fell apart after this. He was abandoned by both his parents and he lost his sisters. He feels guilty, because he was the oldest. This is something he won't hardly talk about. It took him two years of us being together as a couple (three years of knowing each other) to finally tell me the just of the story and his sisters NAMES . He would say things about them at times before, calling them his sisters, (and his brother did also, now that I think about it), but I didn't know who he was talking about. But this is the the reason he became so depressed, started doing so many drugs, became an addict, and ended up in jail. That day he told me about what had happened, he talked about it for hours. He told me about his sisters, their personalities, what they looked like, what they liked, what he thought they would grow up to be. He told me he wanted to see them so bad that he would go to the Murray Show to find them.

There are days when I sit on the computer and for sometimes maybe 2 hours at the most, maybe more, I can't tell time, I look for his oldest sister on Myspace and Facebook. Since the youngest one is still too young to be on the computer, in my mind. I don't usually look for her. I've look for the oldest one by her whole name nation wide and by her first name locally. I figure her adoptive parents may have changed her name. The problem is that I don't even know what she looks like. Just that she resembles my husband and has dark skin. It's so hard to find someone with only that information.

I've been doing this ever since my husband told me the story and his sister's names. I feel odd about it. I was embarrassed to tell my husband what I was doing. But when I did he told me to stop and not worry about it. He said he would find them himself when he gets out of jail. And he doesn't want his sisters to know that he is in jail.

But still, I haven't stopped. I do this about once a month. It's not like I could get very far, right? But I still want him to be happy. I wish I could help him. I don't know what else I could do. He doesn't really ever want to talk about it.

I put this in Grief and Loss, because although we don't think the girls have passed away, my husband still lost them. He is still grieving for them. He may never find them. He may never see them again. The youngest may not even remember him. Sorry if it's the wrong place, it's just that no other place made sense.

I guess I just want to know, should I stop looking? How could I comfort or help my husband in another way? Or has anyone else been through this kind of situation in anyway?