((((ALANA82))))

Welcome to PC and thank you for posting. I hear what you are saying and I am sorry you are feeling so bad. Truth is I have felt many things you spoke of. Not allowed to have emotions or feelings and even now, these emotions I have scare me to death because I do not understand them nor do I know what to do with them.

I hear you say you are not ready to see a t, or go on meds but I hope you will really think again. We can support and listen to you and care and encourage you but we cannot diagnose or treat you. You have a two year who depends on you and who needs you. If you walk away and die where will your two year old be? Being there for them is important and making it so they do not feel the way you do would be a reason to get the help you need.

There is nothing wrong with reaching out and getting the help we need. For it takes strength to reach out. It is by no means weakness when we ask for help. I hope you will rethink it and try to get the help. You deserve to be really happy and not just going through the motions. You are worth being heard and being supported.

I am sorry your mother did not take you seriously and thought you were dramatic. It does not sound like you were being dramatic. Those things you were dealing with were a lot for a Senior. You were doing all you knew.

Sometimes when we start therapy, it takes time to built a trust with someone. It does not happen over night. You are smart to not trust until you get to know someone. As far as them not understanding, I think given the chance they would. I never thought anyone would understand me and sometimes I still wonder but I know that I am much farther along now that a couple years. ago.

Meds sometimes work and sometimes do not. It takes time for them to get in our system and for the doc. to know what is going to work for you and what will not. Sometimes we start a med and it is just not the right one. But there are many out there that could help. I know the feeling of not wanting to take them but sometimes they really do help.

I am glad you posted and are here. I hope you will keep reaching out and talking. Know we are listening and we do care. I know it is hard but things will work out. Keep letting us know how you are doing. Sending you gentle hugs.

dps