First you need to be open and honest to them about what is going on. I know this is very scare but they can help you come up with other coping stratagies or other ways to help you other thanthis thing you do.

Could you write it out? That has worked for me and I even had to have my T read it. I cried the whole time while he was reading but it all turn out okay. Shareing this with my T, made things are for a few sessions, but then, he was able to help me. So, write or list what you want to say to them. Take the paper with you. Try and read but if you can't, ask them to read it.

Would it help to maybe PM me or someone else on here and tell them what it is you are doing? I know for me, when I can let my secret out, I feel so much better, just by telling someone.

If you choose to do that, I will not judge, as I know I have done some things that I can't really show either but they are harmful to me. I do understand where you are coming from. Take care and keep me posted.