I was just thinking of this last session. I rarely make eye contact with T (and T doesn't mention it). Lately, I've been specifically reminding myself to look him in the eye and I've noticed that, while he was almost always looking at me in the beginning, now he's usually looking at something else. I think he does it to make me feel more comfortable...which is great...except when I'm trying to improve my eye contact and end up looking at the top of his head

My T has a really big office and there's lots to look at. A big window that I can look out of, plants, pictures, a zillion diplomas that I always wonder what the initials stand for in his name, zillions more books on the shelves, a couple of decorative rugs, some sculptures, really ugly chairs, piles of junk, 3 clocks (all of which show a different time - which is different still from the 2 in the entry hall. But I suppose time is relative, right?)

I immediately pick up on anything that's different about the room - I guess because I've spent so much time looking it over. One thing that never changes, though...T's shoes. Always the same pair whether they match or not.

My T fiddles with books a lot, drinks lots of tea, twirls his pen a lot, lots of head scratching. For the first several weeks, I worried that he must be sick because he coughed so much...never occurred to me until reading through these posts that maybe he was trying to get my attention. Then, I went through a time where I wanted to slip some allergy meds in his tea because, honestly, T blows his nose more than my father-in-law. I think the kleenex in the room is mostly for him. I cannot look at him when he is blowing his nose. (In the house I was raised in, you had to leave the room to do that) And it always makes me think of a caregiver I had who would shout "AVERT YOUR EYES!" whenever she felt there was something nearby that was too scandalous for our eyes
And when he passes wind, I really wish I could avert my ears.

Sometimes I think the office isn't nearly big enough and it's the biggest T/Pdoc,doc office I've ever been in. Lots of times, I pace around or stand with my back to him - especially if I want to look out the window with the good view.

Next time, I'll make it a point to notice what color his eyes are. Then I'll have to look at them. Thanks for this post. Sorry to ramble on (it's late, I'm manic...)