Today was a really bad day. I don't know why. It was one of those days that starts out ok but spirals down really quickly. I told a close friend today, who used to have the same SI problem. And he was really nice and supportive. But it just made me feel worse knowing that he cares. I feel like a failure piece of cr#$. Everything I have been trying is failing. I can only think about how much I hate myself, how worthless I am, and how much I want to cut really, really deep. Deeper then ever before. All the way through. And not stop anymore. I can't help it and I know deep inside I don't want to and it's not the right way. And I shouldn't. And I can't not. I can't. I am losing everything. I don't know what to do. I don't want to cut but I really, really, really do. That's all I want, but I know I don't want to. It's just so frustrating. I'm failing and falling. I'm going to T for the first time in a while and actually thought I could have a chance. But I don't think I do anymore. I'm failing terribly. And all I want is to just feel it. And to not stop. And I'm going crazy and I'm miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I can make it to T on Saturday. Or school tomorrow. Or anywhere.

Sorry if I post too much. Sorry that this was basically just a rant, just had to get it out. Sorry.