All you can do is take it one day at a time. I have been following your story for a while and I can relate to much of what you are going through. Financial instability especially when you have been on top of things in the past is a scary place to be. You are doing remarkably well in spite of the obsticles and all the unknows you are facing. I am glad PC has provided you with a useful way to let some of the strain now and then. I feel the same way so I know what you mean.

I hit a slump in my business recently and the last couple of months have been very consumed with worry that had me on real roller coaster ride. Thanks to people here I have weathered the storm and even though little has happened to turn much around I feel surprisingly optomistic and hopeful. I came to realize if I spent the day worrying and making myself sick over it or if I pushed the worry aside either way the sun rose and set. My worry did nothing to change things but without worry I discovered energy to be creative and proactive in changing my reality. You have been part of that motivation. You have never given up doing something to move forward. You motivated me to think outside the box I was working from and explore options I thought I couldn't do. Eventually something will break as we continue to be present and available for opportunities to find us.

I know too about the credit check as a contractor. I just lost a big contract because I am not properly registered as a business. I have done many similar projects to this one for other clients and never has the absense of a business license been an issue. Perhaps other clients thought it was a given and just never checked but this new client was checking up front. It is just sloppy on my part and now I am paying the price for neglected the paperwork. Live and learn.

I know you will manage the worry about this just fine as you have all other worries that you have faced up to now but I get how it niggles at you. The alternate reality concept fits for me too. Appearances are deceiving hey. Just tells us how little we know about anyone behind any of the doors and under any of the business clothes that cover the truth about people. What matters always is how we conduct ourselves. You sound like someone of integrity and someone who takes pride in doing a job well. Those are the qualities your short term or long term clients appreciate the most. Even if they did learn you were in some financial distress at this time they will weigh it in the context of what you bring to the table in terms of job capacity and personal character.

Perhaps if this is worrying you too much you could run your own credit check to see exactly what they will learn so that you are aware prepared and not surprised and caught off guard. Have you had a professional look at your situation and provide advise on the best approach to resolving your financial situation before you decide about bankrupcy? It might be worth an outsiders opinion. Just a thought.

Wishing you well and congrats on the short term project. Its an open door that gets you through the next few months. That is something to take a breath of relief about. I live contract to contract and it is stressful. I sometimes envy those able to work full time with a stable income they can rely upon. At the same time I enjoy the freedom of being my own boss but when business is slow its difficult to keep the worry at bay.