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Hunny · Feb 25, 2010, 02:47 AM

(((((( Anderson )))))))

You are a Mom. You will always be a 'Good Mom' an 'Excellent Mom'. You have sacrificed much for your son but I also know you would not choose to be a martyr in this, just to be holding that in some kind of false pride. You do it out of love, a Mother's heart is so much bigger than we know until we see how it is played out in our own lives with our own children.

We do much for our children and a teenage boy's favourite person is not always 'the mother'. It really has nothing to do with you or what happened to you. I just remember that those years were very complicated and ones where I needed to tread ever-so-lightly with my son. Letting go of him was as important, if not more important than holding him close. Even though you had to do what you had to do, you remain in your dignity and you can hold your head up high no matter where you go. I am so glad that you kept going to find what helped for him and now you can begin to question your own future plans. We surely found our own next step to be very difficult. Here is hoping your next steps will measured to be just right for you. It is a bit of empty nest too, that you may be experiencing.

There were many times I had to make the best of a bad situation and I can see, Anderson, that your creativity and ingenuity (be they parts or just who you are) have caused 'all to be well' for both you and your son, okay not well for you and your parts, in some ways, but I bet that young man is a real neat person despite his illness! He undoubtedly loves you so much and someday may be able to tell you again but not right now. And now you can turn that creativity to use on yourself and your future plans. Easier said than done, we know. Ultimately we will be parents, like Kahil Gibran stated: "our children come through us, they are not ours". That doesn't mean you let go completely because he still can get in trouble but, you know, you need to build your own life now and for me that has been a huge challenge and still is in some ways.

Even these parts within you, Anderson, that want to stay may have something to do with the commitment to your son and this is of great value. It is hard though but worth it, that is the thing.

I'm kinda giving you an early "Mother's Day" talk, not advice, Anderson but I hope you will take it in the light intended and that is to strengthen you in your weakness and build up your courage where it seems to have been torn down.

We are different too Anderson, and I/we seem to always be questioning my/our next step, as in purpose, evaluating at least in our minds, trying to see what is the best next step, attempting to find ways to overcome, past and present, and even future stuff. Sometimes it works out sometimes not. I just know I can't go on being abused anymore, nice to learn it, hey in this old grey hmmm, well, enough of that, but it's true...

Fadedspirit does seem to really have one answer and it does sound pretty good...peace of mind...so how, where and when does that begin?

We might just be takin' a different route because of contemplating this, Anderson...

All the best to you, dear heart. We speak 'freedom, peace and even some abundance' over your life (and even for mine).

Love,
Hunny

PS we kinda tired so hope this all makes some kind of sense.