My Support Forums - View Single Post

anderson · Feb 25, 2010, 10:53 AM

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They finely shared the new ones. In the end we already knew what they had to say we just crying now because outsiders will still use what has happen to us in the past against us. We are survivor of ritual of abuse. To make the long story short. One of them was to abuse us then cut the body between the shoulder blades. The abuse was so bad in truth we do not think that there is a part that has not been cut or scared. The only reason that they are not so loud is that we used creams to heal them so that they not are so loud. When we went to get help to the mential health here we were told that if we kept talking about the abuse that they would take our son and give him to the type of people that had no true love. My bio family only knows hate and pain. Someone found them and we were told that if we choice to keep up talking about what we were talking about that they would take him and give him to the very people that killed my other children. That took from me the very life that I was just starting to enjoy because a niece came to us an d beg for protection. We went after them and they interned killed all that I hold dear at that time and put me back under their control.
……since we left Michigan there has been times that we had comfortable relation ships with men. But when we got to feel safe like many here the inner walls start coming down. Since the Mental health here refused to hear us we thought we found people that would let us heal but instead what alters told them was used against us. We said we hurt our son, to use we did because he had to watch us being used by the men then be hurt himself. How can u tell a child that each time you tried to stop him being hurt his arm or leg be broken or burned by some *SS we stopped trying cause he was hurt worst we had to stop and wait until we known he be safe and we had time to get him out before they hurt him again.
……A quote is “A Truth told to harm can cause more harm then any well thought up lie.” The truth we be hurt very bad so was our son. Those that hurt us here use our fear that they would kill our son if we no do what they told us to do. Others in the past killed our babies in front of us why should these men be any different. They tell others how they did it , Then a group of women heard about us, we even go into batter women housing to find safety foe us they hurt us cause of the nightmares we had then they try to do exorcism to remove the demons from us. They hurt us to now we have no one that will spend time with us cause others got o them and tell them bad things. We have no one here yet parts are afraid to move on cause they be told that we be found again and be hurt really bad they be told what happened here is nothing compared to what happen when we be held captive . How Can we get other to understand we no want sex for the small parts? The hole wants a single man in life to keep others away from us. We no want to be used by all we just want one man if they no let us leave her why wont they let us have one man to protect us from the dark ones that just want to hurt us. We so tried of hearing that we went after those men when they are the one ones that pined us told us that they got right to our body. How can any one heal if the whole town thinks that all we are out for is to get laid when in truth we were looking for someone strong enough to keep the others away from us? These men did not give a dame about the scares we have all they cared about that out of fear we did what we did till we had nothing here for us nothing but pain and sadness. It got to the point that we tried to move , to die but somehow some one was their to pull us through and when they known that we were to scared to try again they left us in isolation only to be talk to or approach by those that want to see if they could get a piece. We were so f up we could not even go to the people that was suppose to help us cause the mental health here said we just need to get her back on her med nothing happened . We were the ones being told that we talk ed our son hurt but when we go get help w told nope nothing happen cause there be no marks cause we to afraid what they would do to our son. So Here I am in a town that will not let us have friendships or companionship because the only thing is we want sex sorry people the really big thing we want is freedom from this pain we bear. We want to be able to move on but the fear that these people have instead in us makes a part of us have panic attacks and brings us back to the very people that have hurt us.
……Even our son has said that what is the sconce of him moving with us because no one will help me heal from my past because the benefits of me living in the trauma of my past is it big of a benefit for these people. The sad part is for those of us that have memoirs of living with our Nana and the small group of men that took us in accepted us for who we are makes living like this a living h*LL. But can I get these people to understand that no. All they care about is what makes them feel good. My personal happiness means nothing when every body gets what they want but I and this body get nothing but pain and fear. Because each time we think that the past is over a group of guys have to repeat past abuse because that must be why we so said because we are not getting our daily dose of abuse. There is no way that we have a whole could be healing wanting to be safe and sound with one man. Now not just to have a good relation ship but to be safe from those that would use the past against us. How can a group of people justify what they are doing to us even if we truly did not remember all the facts? Somewhere somehow someone should have said this was not right not fair. When we tried to talk to the men that we thought understood us. They said they heard but they did not. Remember we are so screwed up we live off being abused by those around us. We are nothing but a body with holes in it to satisfy the men of this community with no home no hope and no son to love us cause no one want to understand or protect us t=from the abuse that these men say we ask for. That we want it above all else. We come here to cry but some of us are still asking after 3 years of living in fear what more is there for us. We are to afraid to get a job because now when we go near men then we must be looking for another fix. Now it no matter here whether it male or female we looking for a fix. There is no way in h*ll that we are human beings need to talk need to be wanted fro more then the holes on our body. / We only really talk to those here now for in real life, we have no one that does not believe that we are more then our past. The best way to descried how we feel is that we are a paraplegic, our body is completely paralyzed. We have no way to communicate to outsiders what we feel and because our word means nothing here we have no hope no future without pain because no man wants soiled goods and we have no to stop the abuse because no one wants to help us heal here just keep reinforcing past trauma so that they get what they want from us. The sad part is we should have feet safe enough to move on. Why is it that the parts feel safe living in the car, yet not safe enough to move out of town? They would not have shared so much if they had not fealty the body safe. So why or what is keeping us here. WE want freedom from being abused by those that harm us. That is all that we have begged for these last years now that our son is of age we should be able to live a life free of pain.