I know you're not ready to go to a therapist, but was wondering why?

If you can pinpoint the "why you're not ready", then you can take steps to make yourself ready.
You can also try listing some goals - you said you can't express feelings (that's one of my problems too). Perhaps you can try to write feeling down or express them in a certain way.. maybe drawing with vivid colors, or writing out how you feel and why in a journal.

Making a plan makes these things a lot more manageable.