I agree sunrise. I don't think I want to go back to her anyway.

I don't think she was worried about HER safety, so much as she seems to be hung up on thinking that I have Postpartum because I told her that I thought some/one of what I think are younger alters don't like our son, who's 8 months old. That's why I went to her in the first place was to explore the possibility of my having DID.

I've been in and out of psychs offices for the past 10 years. (When I say I told her everything, I mean everything. She knows this.) I do not have ANY desire to go back to one. I do not trust them nor the science behind the medications they administer. (But for that matter I'm pretty green/natural and anti-modern medicine. Unless it's an acute illness and absolute need, in which case that route is the most appropriate) I have nearly died twice in my life as a result of negligent psychs and their hastily rendered dx and px. No thank you. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Not gonna happen again.

And I'm insulted that she thinks, after all I divulged, that I wouldn't KNOW if my concerns were strictly hormonal or Postpartum related. I KNOW I had postpartum issues immediately postpartum, of course I'm still a little disappointed that my home birth turned into an emergency cesarian and OBVIOUSLY I have emotions about the fact that my midwives were irresponsible in allowing me to labor 33 hours at home without checking in with me and we could have both died. I get that. I was in it. I worked through it. When I was symptomatic for Postpartum is was definitely postpartum, but depression is something I've been through so much in my life that I can recognize, admit and deal with it relatively "well". I know how to research and inform myself. I'm pretty vigilant when it comes to my own mental health.

I didn't go to her because I was depressed or because I was worried that one of my alters thinks it's funny to tell me to throw him in the garbage. I've dealt with "intrusive" thoughts since early childhood, and so far, I've never acted on any of them and NEVER would. What's he gonna go in the garbage anyway, eat? I mean seriously. That random thought is a JOKE compared to the range of thoughts I've dealt with my entire life. I went to her to learn coping skills and to be exposed to new therapies to help EVERYONE and all their needs, inside of me. Whether I'm DID or not, my "parts" need to be helped and nurtured through things they've been harboring since I was a toddler.

Either way I was obviously too much for her. It just sucks because I hate (and I never use that word, one of us does, but not me) thinking one thing is happening, and then finding out that I was misinformed or misled in some way. I don't care for dishonesty in any fashion. And I feel lied to.