(((((((((Kaika))))))))

Dear you are far from stupid, this is all very hard and complicated stuff, it is very normal to go back to the safety of denial ( I do it quite often) it's sort of like a defense mechanism for the mind.

Things will get better hun, keep journaling and know you always have support and love here at Pc and you can stop by and pm me anytime

Lots of hugs
Typo