( Sorry, I know I have been hogging the forums lately... /: )

Well... My friend saw my cuts today and said "Oh my god are you okay?!" And I put on that sickly sweet smile and said "Oh, that's just a cut that I got in Home Ec." She said Okay and we continued to talk. We somehow got into a conversation about being emo. And she asked me "Are you emo?" I said no and we continued joking around. Of course the conversation had been fake. The only fake thing about it was me answering her questions and joking around. And on this inside I wanted to yell at her "I AM NOT OKAY, I HAVEN'T BEEN OKAY FOR A LONG TIME!!! THESE CUTS WERE MADE BY ME AND I CAN'T STOP CUTTING MYSELF, HOW CAN YOU BE SO OBLIVIOUS TO EVERYTHING!?!?!" But I can't do that. She will ditch me, abandon me, leave me. Forever. My only real friend. I want to cut myself so badly, and I told my brother and he told me that it was idiotic of me to be depressed and how cutting is only for stupid emos who have no life whatsoever. I wanted to punch him, but he is 4 years older than me and in high school. Can't do that without him pummeling me till I am dead. /: *sigh* I can't take this anymore!!!!! Cutting myself hurts, but it works and my brother will just hurt me more and my friend will ask until the world comes crashing down on me. Cutting myself is the only way to keep me from committing suicide.