Hello, as I was reading your post I noticed that the notion of 'parents do not understand that children do not think the same way or process things the same way' referring to the threats...
I just want to point out (and this may also help in making a bit more sense of what seems to you like some kind of a hazy reality):
Threatening someone that you will end their life, kill them or harm them - is a scarry, abusive and an act aims to frighten someone to the core. If an adult thereatened another adult this way - the threatened adult would be very scared, worried, stressed and panic perhaps. Such a threat is real.
It becomes even worse when directed from an adult to a child, because there is a drastic abuse of power,as the parent is responsible for the child and has power over the child. The child cannot defend herself as an adult can, she is depended on this dult for her survival. This makes this threat even worse.
This kind of abuse is so damaging to the child on so many levels. It will make you hypervigillent, constantly on alert, scared, there will be trust issues, and possibly developmental issues to the brain. Constant anxiety damages the growing brain and causes post traumatic stress disorder.
I guess my concern with your note is that I sense your pain but on some level I think there is a discount of the severity of the abuse. I am so so sorry you went through that. I had similar threats but always knew that she wont kill me. That she loved me more than anything. It did not stop the fear and pain. And I am reconnecting with that in order to regain my sense of self which was damaged, although I am a highly performing individual. I am not sure this makes sense? I guess all I am saying is - do not underestimate what you have been through. As you work through the feelings you may remeber more. Remember - you are safe now. Hugs xxx