Wow! It sounds like you've had a really rough time. I hope you can get on track now. I was also on SSRI's at first and they just pushed me into the more manic side. I don't take them anymore. Lamictal has been great, but I do have to avoid alcohol. If I'm hypomanic/manic it REALLY comes out when I drink.

This place is great. Everyone LISTENS to what you have to say. There are no judges here. Best wishes!