I'm not sure if this is really where I should be posting. I think I may be bipolar. I guess I'll share my story in a nutshell.

I've gone through binge/restricted eating for about 5 years now. I've self mutilated for about 7 years. Prior to January I made it almost 6 months without cutting. In October, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years. I've gained about 15 pounds since then (not because of the break up.. I'm 100% sure it was the right decision and I'm happier because of it.) I've gone through a time of several weeks of shoplifting, useless things that I don't need. I thought I had myself controlled for the most part, but recently, I'm not sure if I just lack self control or what. I don't smoke or drink, but this past month I've gotten myself drunk, drove out of town to buy cigarettes and smoke, had a threesome, gotten my first (2) tattoo, started cutting again, and bought the most random things that I don't need (2 Zippo lighters, a pipe, learn German CDs, clothes that still don't fit. I just feel like I want to rip myself out of my skin. I put in an offer on a house. I want to do cartwheels through the snow, climb a mountain, and swing on a vine. At the same time, in the blink of an eye, sometimes I just want to fall apart and cry. For a while (since I quit my job basically) I've just slept a whole lot because I didn't want to have to deal with myself. I'd sleep like 12-14 hours every day.

I guess that's all. I'm not sure what I expect from posting this. But I might as well give it a try. I'm trying to get an appointment with a psychologist, but it takes my hospital forever apparently. I really wanted to be able to handle this on my own. I've been to several therapists before, but I always have trouble going back more than 1 or 2 times. I think my record was 3. I've probably been to around 6.

That's all. Thanks for reading I guess.