i've always been the one people turned to when they needed help. i am the one that could get them to see the bright side of whatever they are/were going through. only they all forgot i am going through some thing too but i guess it really doesn't matter.

i am suppose to have it all together and not freak out about something so stupid as not being able/allowed to sleep because of the two pets. The one isn't as bad as my roommate's bloodhound. This dog has me at my ropes end and because of the dog I set off a panic attack in my roommate because I lost it and screamed at the dog.

This do has ripped apart a door just so she could be in a specific room...mine. The bottom of the door has a thick piece of plywood on it. She also managed to break the door knob so the door doesn't latch right and after a few pawwing the door comes open. Living in PA has been cold in the winter but this year it is the worst. I'll be asleep maybe5 minutesif I am lucky and she decides she wants in so she opens the door and comes in and lays down on the couch making me get up to close the door. No sooner do I lay back down she is up opening the door to leave. the night before and last night she has done this. I lost it while I was trying to cook and the damn dog was under my feet. I grabbed her by the scruff and shoved her out of the room screaming which Iknow better to do because it sets off my roommates ptsd.

this is just adding to my already feeling worthlessness and i can't even seem to pretend to be happy for anyone anymore. I am having financial problems and no one is willing to help me. Welfare says that I would give my food away to my roommate and I can't get any cash assisance because of the amount my roommate makes in her retirement. Why they are including it in my stuff I don't know. My slap in the face amount of unemployment ended last week and I don't know how I am going to pay my half of the bills with is electric and the phone.

I need a car and any other time I would be able to find one for the amount I have but not this time around. I am frustrated, despeart to earn some cash in almost anyway...but I can't dothat. I know if I could just get some real rest it would help with the level of deprestion I amhaving.

fallen