Hi all,

My T is not psychodynamic and has never mentioned transference or anything like that. I am prone to intense transference reactions. I know this is not how she does therapy, so I never mentioned my weird and intense feelings for her. I guess I figure it is not important to talk about it because I am just hoping it will die down, and I am controlling my behavior so I don't excessively call, email, etc, even though I have strong urges.

However, I sent her an email that said this:

You hold so many pieces of me. I have to keep handing you more. Do you know what you have?

Don't trip.

J.

And I am obsessing about it because I am afraid she is going to want to talk about it. My session is this evening. I want her to have read the message, and act accordingly, but I don't want to talk about it. I especially don't want to tell her how strong my feelings are toward her.

Is it really that important to talk about how I feel about her? Is it really going to help me? WHY will it help? I know if she brings it up and I say I don't want to talk about it, she will respect that. But I definitely always want to do whatever will help me with my problems, even if I don't feel like it. But the more intimate we get the worse I feel, and the more I fear becoming even more dependent on her.

I HATE that I get these crazy feelings. Transference is insane! It feels like a stranger takes over my body and my mind (I'm not psychotic.. this is a metaphor).. these feelings are totally irrational but I can't HELP it!