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Lostforevermore · Feb 26, 2010 at 03:04 PM

So my sister has called to talk to me and she wants me to come to MI to hang out with her and she wants to talk. She wanted to know what I was doing this weekend. I told her that I have to hang out with my cousins because I promised them I would. I told her I can't come to MI. She tried to talk me into going over and I said No that I can't break my promise. So she is coming here to chicago tonight and she wants to talk and hang out. She said she will drag me out of the house if she has to to hang out. I don't know what to do. She will be here in chicago by 5 or after cause that is when I told her I get out of work. She is coming here today so "she can help fix the problem". She was saying stuff like we need to talk to fix this. She says "I know some of the reasons why you're feeling like this is because of me and we need to talk. I know both of us have problems (she has also been fighting depression) and we seems to be having some of the same problems and so we should talk." (She has always been very vocal about her problems in my family and everyone knew that she had problems with depression. She was always screaming and fighting and threatening to commit SI. My parents were always having to deal with her. So I guess that's one of the reasons why I never told my family that I've been this depressed. I didn't want to burden my family more than I had to)

I don't know..so far I'm not getting what I want from her. I guess I'm expecting too much and that they would understand and give me the help I needed. I guess I have to be patient. So far talking to her and having her know is making me feel worse. She keeps talking about how it's because of her that I feel this way and as soon as we talk I would be better.

I really don't know how she can help me when so far she is either making me feel worse or making me feel as if my problems can be easily fixed. That I've just not been trying hard enough to make it better. She says that my problem is that I always think negative and that I need to start thinking positive and everything will be better. That makes me soo angry. Like I haven't tried that before. Why the hell didn't I think of that. Think positive and I'll be all better.

I don't know what to do. I'm not sure how ready I am to talk about this in person with my sister and my family. I'm kinda regretting telling them...I'm scared about what's going to happen when I get home and my sister is waiting for me so we can talk.

I'm kinda thinking what would happen if I just don't go home today.