Aimeesh,
Listen. I want you to know that I have thought about the very samethings you have. About driving off a bridge or buying a gun. In fact, I will not let a gun in my house because I know the state of mind I get in sometimes. My meds help, but when something triggers me, it all floods back in again. I especially get depressed during the winter, cold, dark months. Keep yourself safe. When you are telling your psychiatrist all of this, what is the responce? If your doctor is not managing your medication correctly, you need to let him know, or find a new doc.
I have had some dark times, and it had seemed that suicide was the only way out. The same person who has felt this way is telling you that things do get better! I have bipolar disorder, OCD, and borderline personality disorder. Try managing all of this with the daily stresses of life such as finances, work, and relationships. It is very challenging, and hurtful at times. Sometimes I get vey lonely.
My advice to you is get the meds adjusted or get your doctor to try something new. The combination may be wrong. Continue to keep us updated. I care about you, as well as all the others looking out for you. Suicidality is very real and need to be addressed. My best wishes to you always. Promise to always stay safe and never hesitate to call a friend or get yourself to safe place if you need to. Remember, problems come to an end, you should not have to!