.....abraham lincoln once said............

.....happiness is......."Liking what I have to do"

.....sssooooo.....D I D sucks.........it really does.....

.....when my pain got sooooooo bad inside .....the only thing I had left.....

.....and the only thing I could do...................was......ask inside.............

.....homeless....broke.....hungry.......

.....the only thing I had left..........was.....internal communication...............

.....and it works......for some strange reason.........it really works!

.....I talk and listen......and talk and listen..........

.....and the internal pain sloooowwwwly lifts.............

.....as I become less scared of myself..................

......and I get to know me.....then learn how to love me.....all of me...(a lifetime job)

......ssoooooo I have D I D....and it sucks....and it hurts....

......and it sucks and it hurts real bad sometimes.............

......back then?..............

......if somebody said to me....."doug, if you stand on your head,in the corner of the room and stack greaseeeee BB's, it will ease your internal pain".......... I would do it without blinking an eye........................

.......and today?..............

.......the truth is......the internal pain has become somewhat managable........

.......this last year is the first year I spent in my own place.........in the last twelve years.........a stove....a fridgerator........I still got issues.....I still sleep on the floor in the corner of the room........boots by my side....still sleep fully dressed.....most of the time.........

.......but.....by practicing...and......asking inside....again...and again and again........I have started to actually like it......... because it helps ease the internal pain......it really does......

....such a simple solution...for such a complex problem........

................(mamma bear!...)