(((((((Tay)))))) yeah - i think of this stuff as cyclical. after a while, i can recognize that I have been in this point before, and it is asy to think I am not really making progress. but the thing it, it is like a helix; it is cyclical, but you're up another rung. It may not feel like it, but you can't be entirely where you were before - it isn't possible. you know more now, you feel more now, there is new insight. You've moved even if it feels like 2 steps backwards. the upside is that you also get to move out of this too, to the next cycle (whatever that is for you).

I too am going through a LOT of change, and lost/losing several support people - and the amount of crying could sink my apartment. I usually also hold on ok in the week - but not right now. So I am working with acceptance. I can't fix it, and i can't stop it, so i can try to have some compassion for myself while I am grieving the changes and loss of support - and also know that I can carry more of my own emotional weight now. I am stronger - and my guess is, somewhere in there, you are too.
hugs if you want them, kiya