I hear you needing support. I also am an RN... 4 years in now. I never sought help for my mood until I was working as a nursse in an intense peds ER (Level 1 trauma, 69 bed ER). After a year and 4 months straight night shift I decided the stress was getting to me and I had all along thought I was depressed but it was getting worse so I saw my family doc. What happened next was a rapid succession of seeing a T, seeing a pdoc, 2 hospitalizations, lots of meds in varying combinations (none of which worked well).

I decided to enroll in a Master's degree program in fall 2007 but still have not finished because of my concentration problems. To be honest, not trying to gloat or anything like that, nursing school was really easy for me. I graduated top of my class 4.0 gpa, gave the commencement speech for the university (1200 graduates), headed 2 organizations, worked between 30 and 40 hours per week... I felt depressed but never wanted to check about it so it's not like I was manic. I was just able to focus and get things done. Now I can't even watch a TV program or search online for things because I'm scattered. I have completed 20 hours of classes with As but it's soooo much harder. It takes so much more effort and it's a lot more stressful and I can't take any stress right now.

My mood is still all over the place (though I've never been manic). I also quit my job in the ER and switched to an outpatient family medicine residency program (25 total docs). That was much better but now I moved back home and am working in home care. I knew I couldn't take a job with shifts or anything really high stress (though home care is way more stressful than I thought... a ton of accountability and responsibility).

It sounds like you've done the best you can with your illness and getting through school. It's not an easy task but you worked with the program and got through it. I guess the only advice I have is to pay attention to stressors. For me that really will trigger an episode (usually depression) that can last for months. Also, work with your doc about meds. It's hard to be a good nurse while battling moods and side effects. Let the doc know that any med changes need to be done over time so that you won't have trouble functioning. Not sure this was helpful, but just know that I hear you and I 'get it.' Good luck with this. Feel free to PM me any time. Take care.