This comment reminds me of a rather obscure concept:

This ability to hold conflicting ideas about the same thing is known in psychology as cognitive polyphasia. Cognitive polyphasia thus refers to a state in which different kinds of knowledge, possessing different rationalities live side by side in the same individual or collective.

You both hate and disrespect them but also protect them because they are your parents.

While cognitive polyphasia is perhaps a curiosity, the issue is more about how what occurred affects your sense of worth and your dealings with others not your parents. The process of enhancing both is a proper role of professionals.

Good luck.