As I posted yesterday I couldnt get to session. I phoned T from the car and her answering machine picked up, which I was thankful for, me and the phone with T is a big no no. She phoned back and her voice, I realised shes so able to express all her emotions, I'ive never spoken to someone that just oouzss compassion, and love and honesty. I said I couldnt get there and was turning round and she said would I like to phone her or email? She knows I dont do phone, I said Oh email desperate to get of the phone.

Last week I'd emailed her and got a reply and as usual regretted having emailed because I then feel full of shame and think she isnt getting me or something like that, so this time I emailed back and said how I felt and she emailed back and then explained how through the misterpretations I am acting out the relationship with my adoptive mother and though we talk in session sometimes it needs to be acted out so it can be resolved with her.

So with this in mind I just wrote saying, I dont know what to write, today (yesterday) of all days I needed to get to my safe zone (notice I didnt say get to her) and that I felt as if I had no skin and if someone had said boo I'd have fallen to pieces but I dont want to email because I misinterprete.

T replied saying that I was telling her how fragile I felt and that I didnt feel me/we could survive if we - me and her- misinterpreted emails but that we could keep going and emailing until we'd worked through it together, shes said I didnt need to email just then but perhaps if I did the feeling of being fragile would lessen if I intereacted with her and though she couldnt promise to giving me a quick reply later if I emailed, she would get back to me as soon as possible.

Needless to say, that in itself was enought, the feelings of fragitity fell away. I've never known someone that knows there stuff and is so able to be real and express feelings as her, it still wows me.