Hi Anne, yes it is really hard when people let us down in this way, and especially if you are a consciencious and responsible person who cares about the charity and the people involved. As well as being Bipolar and having panic and anxiety disorders, I am an 11 years sober member of AA. So a lot of my AA "training" comes to mind with this. This is defintely a situations that calls for the Serenity Prayer, "God Grant me the Serenity Accept the thing I cannot Change, Courage to change the Things I Can and the Wisdom to know the difference". This works whether or not you believe in God - I don't and it still helps me.

The part you cannot change is this woman's lack of responsibility and selfishness. The part you can change is about how much you invest your feelings in what happens when she bugs out, like she did. And, without knowing the organisational arrangements, maybe you can pass this onto a higher authority, - keeping in mind you are doing charity work and you don't have the burden or responsibility to sort this out.

Or, if you are feeling assertive enough, you may be able to say to her on the phone or in person, "When you left me with no notice to contact those people, you put me in a difficult and embarrassing situation and I won't do the follow-up work on the next occasion". And here's the biggie - Don't do the follow-up work, even if it means people are inconvenienced. And even if some of them think it's you fault - it's people's own business what they think of us. This is all assertiveness. If you keep doing it, this woman will keep doing what she feel like and walking all over you.

But maybe the first port of call is to speak to her etc.