You know, I couldn't stop thinking about that article last night! On one hand it makes me feel good that I'm not the only one who feels that way about therapy, about how difficult it is, and on the other hand it is scary because I fight off any sort of fact that I have any "problems."

Echoes, I also had a dream that outlined my fear of reaching out/being vulnerable that I just told my T about last week.

I dreamt that I was living on some sort of farm with all these random people, and I came across an 8 year old boy who had just OD'ed on cocaine and was unconscious. I took him inside and called 911. The dispatcher put me on hold for like 4 minutes, and finally came back and said she talked to the doctor on staff, and the doctor said just to take him to the doctor's office. He'd be fine. I was liek "Ummm he's 8! He was unconscious!" He had came to, but was puking everywhere and blood was in it as well.

So, 911 was useless, and I decided to go get my car and take him to the hospital myself. WHen I came back, the police were there and were doing some sort of tests on him. They decided they didn't need to take his temperature. I KNEW that they were missing something crucial, that he was bleeding into his brain...and that if they took his temp, they would realize how serious it was.

The police were about to leave, saying to take him to the doctor's as well, when he had a seizure and died.

We talked about how that is a metaphor for therapy. That I reached out to all these professionals, and they didn't see how serious and sick he was, and he died. And how I did everything I could, and he still died. lol. SO transparent!

My T asked how I felt telling her that dream, and I kind of thought it was an odd question, but I said it was fine.

I thought about it later, and while it was fine talking about it with her, I couldn't take it any deeper than just "reporting" the details of the dream with her, and kind of talking about how it is a metaphor for therapy. I couldn't really talk about how scary it is for me to reach out...because what if I do and it doesn't work anyway?