I was in a rather serious car crash on Fri. morning. I walked away from it with no injuries. But when I was in the car as it was spinning out of control, and I was trying to pull out of the skid and saw the guardrail getting closer and closer, I wasn't at all afraid - it wasn't shock. Part of me was going ok, so this is it, and I was almost relieved. Then after the crash once I got dealing with the police, insurance and repari shop and went into the office all the people I work with were asking if I was ok, wasn't I terrified etc. and i didn't understand all the emotions. I was thinking ok, so I could have died - I didn't what's the big deal. I'm sure that part of this is related to the fact that I never expected to live this long in the first place, but it's also like I'm always passively suicidal. I won't actively act on the thought of killing myself, but I don't think dying would be bad - it would just be an end to the horribleness.

Does that make sense to anybody?

Is this just another wonderful manifestation of having cptsd?

--splitimage