Splitimage,

Can I be brazen and let you know.......that I can understand exactly how you feel.

I have had experiences(not precipitated by me).......that in the moment almost felt.....peaceful, fateful......or divine. I cannot explain why. To the point that I have almost longed for the silence and velvety peace once again.

But the rational mind trumps and then we feel fear.

And for good reason.......we have many things to do, to feel, to live. We must strive for that snapshot in time of joy, contentment, and "feeling at home".....

It is our spirit that must prevail.......for our stories are very important......and we must pass them on so that future generations can learn of our overcoming, our power in the face of fear, our courage in the darkness........our lives mean EVERYTHING.

Take care dear one........you are very, very important.......

In stillness,

Michah

PS ( to answer your question about it being a manifestation of your CPTSD.......maybe. I think it is more an existential feeling, albeit a distressing one. Without you thinking I have lost some of my marbles, I am anticipatory when people speak of this. To me it means that you are questioning, wondering, exploring. And that is a good thing. It means that you are aware of your own process, which is the gateway to healing, in this transitory process. As long as you do it in safety, you are on the right path to not just being alive.......but.......to LIVING. Great things are coming to you, dear person.......be ready....

for greatness.)