I have five days off from work now so a break is good. I have been so tired and weary its not funny. All the meds I am on are taking my whole being away its like all thats left is an empty shell I have no life left really. People think I am doing good yep, I,m definitely calm and decreased racing thoughts and no shakes however I feel dead. So I have taken matters into my own hands once again, and stopped most my meds. I have stopped the effexor, epilim and quetiapine today is number 4. And no the withdrawal symptoms are not nice but anyway its my choice. I have brain shocks massive headache and bit wobbly on my feet though this is getting better. I am still taking the newly prescribed anti-depressant mertazipine and risperidone if I feel like it.
It may all backfire and kick me in the butt but for my loss there is nothing to lose its already gone. And no I am not suicidal I am actually feeling a lot more than I,ve felt in ages!! I am interested in the odd thing Its a nice humbling feeling really
I saw my counsellor the other day (she is private nothing to do with psych services thank god!!!)
I was telling her how I hate the meds that they have taking 'me' away and shes like well "they cant force them down your throat now can they" and no they can not. If I get unwell agai n I will take them but I cant do it for ever no way. I cant believe I have been under the care of the psych people for 7 months now-scary AND they are still altering my meds.
If I am doing ok with out the meds I am going to keep my psych appt for Wednesday and will first put it to the psych "what wouldyou say if I stopped my meds" Then I will tell her or not tell her depending on the answer In get. Really if I feel alive again for me that is better than feeling dead. Any advice anyone??

I am actually a bit scared of telling them what I have done, but am sure someone out there must understand what its like feeling like a shell of their former self