Sorry you're having a tough time. That was when I finally realized my marriage was done... when I was hurting so much that I started pulling my hair out. My husbands response was to complain that evening that it had been difficult for him to work that day because I upset him??? Anyway, i find i hurt myself in an effort to make the outside match the inside. When the pain inside is too much I don't know how else to fix it, but to make the outside match and somehow that makes it easier to deal with. Doesn't really explain very clearly but it seems to help me at the time. Guess it also has to do with rage and self loathing. At times I just get so angry at myself that this is what fixes it. Not very rational I realize, but I'm working at it.
Good luck, and don't hurt too much. Try to be nice to yourself for today........