yeah 3 weeks, I leave wed and won't be back till sometime fri. at a conference. then he's gone the week after to a conference he has to go to. so it won't be till the week after when we will be able to see him. we set up a safety plan for when i'm gone. calling in and checking in kind of thing. then when he's gone i'll check in with the another T i'm comfortable with in his office if i need to.

he has good reasons for his questions i do have to admit to that much. but i've always been very honest with him about feelings and actions. i hope and know he understands i do try and help myselves when things get to the edge. has been to the point he'll call every 2 hours to check on me. but the hospital he knows is a very scary place for me. was abused in a state pysch hospital as a teen. since then when in the hospital i will just sit there till they release me. feelings boiling inside. smiling and laughing outside. i don't know. sometimes i think just take that power and keep me safe cause i don't feel very safe. but then the fear of hospitals and the ppl there over takes that wanting help feeling. and i feel like i've fallen deeper into a well of h*ll.

i'll keep checking in. i haven't slept much and my head feels so bad.
monty