(((((Googley)))) I know that feeling that as I need T more and the issues are harder, I start wondering if I trust her and what she thinks of me. New territory is terrifying. I also resist it without even knowing what I am doing to distract myself from going there. And then it comes out as weird feelings toward T.
Can you maybe write this and tell T? Or even journal about some of the things that scare you and make you want to hide? Maybe then it will be easier to say out loud or even to read to her?
When I wrote down how I really feel about myself and the feeling-thoughts that go thru my mind about myself, it was so much easier to verbalize it. I read that part of my journal to ftt and it really helped.