it seems like I've been in a downward spiral all week, and now my sui thoughts are to the point of not being able to think about much else. I don't want to call my T but I don't know. I'm googling overdose side effects of the meds I have on hand, calculating if I have enough to do the job. I guess I don't know where else to reach out TO, so part of me doesn't want this or I would just do it without posting here. I don't know what to say to my T if I call her or what she can say that would help. I'm just really struggling right now...

edited to add: I called my T. I told her how I'm feeling and thinking. She said just keep doing what I've been doing. I know that makes sense sort of, but what I've been doing isn't working. She didn't tell me not to overdose, she didn't have me contract for safety, she clearly did not hear me. I know I tried, in DBT we are supposed to call our T before we do anything that could be considered self-harm. I think this fits. I called her, I tried my best to tell her what's going on with me. I guess that's all I can do. Feel much worse now than I did before calling her.