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Originally Posted by treehouse
... T pointed out that while we talk "in" the attachment (talk about the fact I love him, he cares about me, we're attached, etc) we don't talk ABOUT the attachment. I told him that I think about it a lot, I just don't talk about it in session.
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It sounds to me like one more of those things you aren't going to have a whole lot to say about till you've mostly moved on to some other space and are looking back on the one you used to be in. I've heard it compared to a fish trying to talk about water. The same way, it's pretty hard to talk about what it's like to be me because I've never been anyone else.
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... a lot of the problem is that growing up, people who said they loved me would hurt me, badly, and I am JUST understanding for the first time...they DID NOT LOVE ME. It wasn't that they loved me so much that they got carried away. It was that they never loved me in the first place. I was just a means to an end. I was just the easiest person around to fool. I was the stupidest person they could find.
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The way I'm picturing it is that by "loving" you, what
they meant was they needed you for purposes of their own that had little to do with your happiness or well-being (and probably not much with theirs, either).
Quote:
Originally Posted by treehouse
I guess because ... I thought I had FINALLY moved beyond just being safe. So, it feels like a step backwards. I know it's good that I do feel safe, and I didn't move all the way back past that. But still.
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I picture progress as something like the tide coming in (for anyone who's never lived near the ocean, I'm afraid this may be lost on you
). For a while, each wave will come up a little higher than the last one. Then, just as you think you've got the pattern figured out, several in a row will fall short and you'll wonder if the tide is even coming in any more. Then, as you stand there pondering where the waves went, along comes another one that'll fill your shoes if you're not careful.
As for "manufacturing a rupture" -- could that be your way of asking your T to show you how he handles some kinds of situations (ones that feel like impending ruptures!) that you, perhaps, would expect to have difficulty with?