missmoonshine, I'm really sorry you have such a crappy support base. And the idea of your friend telling you that you are ****ed in the head is just so cruel! Its not like we already don't feel screwed up, why on earth would someone who's supposed to be helping you say such a hurtful thing?

I know right now that you feel alone, I promise I can truly sympathize with that feeling. I feel alone when I'm sitting in the same room with my husband and son, so I really get that. The thing is though, you really deserve medical treatment. Its not a sign of weakness. Sadly, your family is not understanding, but that doesn't mean you should suffer more in an attempt to fit into whatever mold they have cut out for you.

If its not too personal, would you like to talk about what you have done that would make them think you "can't be trusted"? (You can even pm me if you'd rather, instead of saying it out here.) How many people know you are bipolar? Have they any real idea what it means to suffer from this illness? Do you think they would be willing to try to learn about it, to see things more clearly. Most often people are far more judgmental when they are ignorant about a situation and tend to be more empathetic once they have learned more about it.

I can't tell you not to stop, but I can say from my own experience that you are heading down a dangerous road. You may feel fine today and tomorrow, but eventually (and probably not to long from now) your husband's going to notice a change in your behavior and he's going to know you aren't taking your meds and I think that you will notice a change in your behavior for the worse as well. I know you have to care for your family, but if you don't first take care of yourself, you aren't going to be any good to them anyway. Really consider talking to your doctor, this isn't something you should go alone.