Brainwashing...when an abuser repeats the same distructive messages over and over again, sooner or later they stick with you. So when you left, you took those messages with you . We'll call them old tapes. When you are not feeling strong, they automatically play. The job of your therapist is to help you replace those old tapes with newer healthier messages. Abusers do not appologise. They deny the abuse ever happened. You wrote about Hitler and his followers. The men and women who stood trial at Nurenberg for their role in crimes against humanity, all stated that they did nothing wrong. The defense the guilty used is now well known as the Nurenberg Defense: "I was just following orders." that just does not cut it for me. I owe my abusers nothing. Good luck on your journey.