Perpetuallysad, I must have confused you a little, I do have some wonderful friends who are very understanding so thats great. Maybe 6 of my friends? who of course think I am somehow 100% better as outwardly I am (Just dead inside thats all)
It was my support worker who agreed with my own statement saying I was ****ed in the head. I dont think any of my friends would dare agree with me on that one, my support worker said "yes you are ****ed in the head" Shes my support worker not my friend, theres a line that can never ever be crossed.
Ok I admit I probably shouldnt be trusted. If people 100% trust me I will comply, but when people start doubting me I think why the hell should I 'behave' Yes I had lithium overdoses and never told anyone till about two weeks after but as far as I am concerned thats my choice. Guess thats why they dont trust me.
Another example of this is when I was an inpatient they stand over me like a ****ing idiot when I am taking my pills, its like dareing me not to comply, so I did swallow my pills like the perfect patient then straight to the loo to spew them up LOL. (they never did find out)
My husband loves me but he just cant understand how I hate feeling so dead I mean he is happy I am calmer and not shaking I am sleeping from his point of view I appear better and thats great for everyone. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME... I am gone and noone gets it noone.