googley, I hope you don't mind if I try out putting a certain spin on what you're saying. Let me know how it fits for you:
googley: I'm not sure that she wants to hear the bad stuff. The stuff I feel inside.FooZe: Maybe she's willing enough to hear the actual stuff but knows that as long as you're calling it bad you won't feel like talking about it.
googley: I was trying to tell her about how screwed up I felt inside.... And she was like "STOP! Don't say that."FooZe: Again, it sounds like she just wants to know how you feel inside, without the "screwed up" part.
googley: I don't want to tell her I'm still having bad thoughts. FooZe: Wait, do you mean you don't want to tell her the thoughts you're actually having, or you don't want to let her catch you calling them bad?
Quote:
|
I feel like I'm disappointing her, like I'm failing. But don't know if this is just another way to avoid all the other stuff.
|
I can imagine that if there were something I didn't feel ready to talk about -- or to think about, because then I might end up talking about it -- one way to avoid it might be to distract myself by thinking of lots and lots of other things that I
also didn't want to talk about. That way, if I did end up spilling something it would most likely be one of the other things and not the one I
most didn't want to talk about.
Besides, if I managed to freak someone out with one of my more harmless secrets, they might feel less like inquiring after the, um, good stuff next time.
Quote:
|
I hate this going back and forth. I wish I could just trust, but I just get hurt when I trust.
|
When I only halfway trust somebody I usually start by carefully putting one toe in the water: I might ask them, "If I were to tell you thus-and-such, what do you think would happen?" If they don't give me a satisfactory answer I don't tell them. If they do, I try it out with, again, something relatively harmless and see if they're as good as their word. If I survive with one toe in the water, I might try going in up to my ankles next.
I think what helped me the most was giving up hope. As long as I
hoped I could trust people, period, I kept finding I was mistaken. Once I switched to letting people
show me in what ways they could and couldn't be trusted -- the toe-in-the-water approach mentioned above -- I found myself on much firmer ground.
Good luck, googley! See if this is OK with you or not:
