(((((((((((((((Zooropa))))))))))))))))))))
I've been there before, and I know the place you are in. For me the thoughts of trying to rationalize the reasons NOT to do it always circled back to doing it, because it seems like the only option to end the pain.
I could really relate to what you said here:
Quote:
Originally Posted by zooropa
I have been living for my kids for so, so, so long. I thought I was starting to live for me. I thought I was past this kind of $hit.
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It almost seems unfair, to have to live for someone else. And it is so tempting to just be selfish for once.
My T (well, old T) disclosed that her father 'completed' sui, and the effects it had on her.
(I was never sure how I felt about her disclosing this. Sometimes it felt kind of manipulative and scary.)
Anyway, it is an awful awful way to to lose a parent and puts a huge burden on the kids for the REST OF THEIR LIFE.
When I am struggling I try to think of it this way, I would be (possibly) ending my pain, but sentencing my children to a lifetime of pain and confusion. And that is not fair to them.
So, as much as it SUCKS, we just have to keep going forward for them.
I'm so glad you called that number, and heard that meaningful song.
It WAS a sign. It really was.
Zooropa, you are needed in this world. You are important.
The pain will not be this way for ever.
I hope you got some sleep, and you are feeling a little better this morning.
You are very brave for trying so hard. You are an inspiration.
