Depression has fully sunk in.
Trying to behave myself and pretend that life is nothing but joy.
But, if I could sleep forever that would be the best thing.
I know I am fluctuating back and forth the past few weeks.
I wish I could tell you all is well.
I am so mad at myself for upsetting my T. I am so stupid.
I just couldn't believe she called me on something and because she knows me so well it freaked me out and I went off.

And, as if I didn't already hate myself...well, now the one person who knows me so well and cares so much I tried pushing away!

So, I had a decent day today because I spent it with some friends and was able to take my mind off everything. But then I come home and it all just sinks down inside of me again.

So, I am just a disaster in motion waiting to hit full tilt!



Oh, and I wanted to mention that my issues with christianity and me being a lesbian are in full force. And, with the crazy weather that is destroying whole towns and killing so many people makes me believe that the world is coming to an end and it is somehow because of the fact that I am not obeying God's word and He is mad at me too and is letting me know that being ill is all because of my own selfishness and I am not dealing well with this at all.

So, to make my life even more upsetting and complicating I feel like even if I could get better God is going to destroy me anyway.