I frequently get scathing calls from my mom about various things that I do wrong, how I've hurt her, how insensitive I am, what a horrible person I am, you know the drill.... These calls are particularly frequent when my mother is manic.

Trust me when I say that none of them have basis in reality and are more reflective of her own cognitive distortions than anything I have done/said. I usually do not entertain her craziness at all, point out her distortion, simply hang up and disengage completely. I've tolerated her, understood her and protected myself from her for years. I understand the "mistakes" during mania, but enough is enough.

I don't know what happened last night, either I was just fed up, or after months of fishing she finally found something that would get a reaction out of me, but we definately engaged. It didn't start well, it didn't progress well and it certainly didn't end well. I guess I just got tired of being the rational one and met her blow for blow. Oddly, I slept like a baby.

This morning she called (insanely early) to apologize, saying that she was up all night worrying about our argument and that she was wrong and was sorry, but that it took her awhile to process my behaviour. She also said that the past was the past and that she felt much better this morning.

I accepted her apology, but only in the spirit that it was given.

She'll do it again, she'll come at me again. It's the same crap over and over and over again. She may or may not apologize, but I can promise you she will not change.

No matter what she does, at this point, it's just not enough.