I usually maintain a good relationship with my mother. I've learned that the adage "good fences make good neighbors" to be especially true in this case.

It's just hard when there appears to be an unrelenting assault. I am usually the target as, well, I'm the daughter and for some reason that seems to provoke her.

I realized awhile ago that she will never see me as independent from her, as having a life of my own with my own independent desires that are separate and apart from hers. She views everything I do in relation to her. That realization was very freeing to me, but I'm not perfect.
If it's not all about her, but remotely about me, that definately seems to provoke an attack.

I go out of town for my job, I'm leaving her.
I want to see my old friends during the holidays, I'm doing it out of spite for her.
I have a deadline to meet, I'm ignoring her.
I have a sick pet, my priorities are wrong.
I want to see my nieces and nephews, I'm disloyal and doing it to hurt her. No joke and these are her grandchildren.
I give money to charity, she needs the money.
I go to therapy, how could I hate her so much.

What's worse is the "You're causing me to do/feel/act this way". It's abusive and controlling.

It's grating and it wears me down - that bottomless pit of her self-centeredness.

The strain of managing this gets to be a bit much and I guess I'm venting. Right now I am in no place to forgive and forget. Right now I'm tired and angry. Right now I'm fed up.

Yeah, it is too bad for both of us.

Will I be able to resolve this in my head? Sure, she's ill and it's the illness talking, it's the default setting and there is no reset button .

It's just hard to keep my head above water sometimes....