Hi Little Rhino,
You said,

I don't think your post came off as critical or judgement. Maybe a bit simplistic, and as if you're attempting to make blanket statements and making giant assumptions about others' feeling / behaviors.

Nope. Not making blanket statements because i qualify my audience as behaving in a specific way... with the exception of a few statements about the very normal behaviours/desires of human beings in general. It's a fair blanket statement to say people do seek attention because people do... it isn't an automatic negative, not in form or function. It IS a problem if one's desire for validation becomes more motivating than the end goal however.

i am not making assumptions about all feelings or all behaviours. Just observations gathered from the years online and conversations and experiences. i never say it applies to everyone... just ask the question... and describe how some behave.

if not received as critical... then how is it you have chosen to accuse me of "mind-reading" etc? Perhaps your own wording is more harsh than you realize. i took special care to state my intentions.


Going to therapy is hard work, taking medication is no fun, and functioning in daily life is 'doing something about it'. ALL of the people I've ever come across here on PC does at least one of these things.

Then you need to visit chat more. i've been a member here, under two accounts at different times for three years now. There are a significant number of people who cannot or do not engage in either of those things. It isn't really relevant to the question asked. My question was about whether one actually does work toward or against getting better. Watch long enough and you will see the ebb and flow of many... not those just stuck here and there, god knows everyone gets stuck from time to time and everyone needs help, attention and validation from time to time... the many i am addressing are those who actively work counter to their supposed goal. If a person is in therapy and works against themselves deliberately, then one has to question why... or one should. That is more the point.

Not saying you're wrong here - this may be true for some people. You seem to be implying that it is the case for everyone. I don't think you can possibly know this is how anyone feels. There may be lots of reasons for chossing not to say something to a therapist. So I'm not sure why you've had a revelation by suddenly thinking it to get attention. To me, this does not seem like a likely reason at all. Maybe this was the case for you, at some point? Doesn't mean it is so for anyone else though.

I don't anywhere say that everyone is deliberately doing this, consciously or otherwise. I don't imply that is the case for everyone, that is applied by the reader if they choose to interpret my words that way. Understanding basic psychology, early childhood development and behaviour science isn't some mystic religion. It's out there to read and the behaviours are there to observe. i'm stating what i see and i stand by it. No one can entirely know how anyone feels, not even a therapist - yet, i do believe people do recognize common motivations, feelings and behaviours. If it were pointless to say, then there wouldn't be any therapists either. i do not claim to be one, but it doesn't mean i don't have insight into behaviour.

There are many reasons why someone would choose not to tell something to a therapist... and if you read what i said, i say i am not referring to that sort of thing. i say i am not referring to trust issues, etc. i am referring to deliberately withholding for withholding's sake.

If you want to take issue with my words, at least use what i say and not what i don't.

i didn't have a "revelation" - dear god, i don't know if you intend this but there is hardly need for an accusatory tone. The spirit of what i am saying is to question one's self and that shouldn't provoke a person. If someone repeatedly seeks external validation and avoids the tasks that may help resolve issues in the end - how can it be wrong or somehow so distasteful to ask people to question themselves and describe what i see....

what i say about behaviour isn't exactly as if a stone tablet descended from heaven... start reading about early development and the formation of personality. Pay special attention to the subject of the differentiation of self vs. other in the age at which a child begins to explore the world beyond the safety of the mother-figure.

whether one chooses to agree with me or not is up to that person. It matters not to me in the end. i'm a firm believer in individual choice and reasoning. i would appreciate it though if the wording of such disagreement with my ideas was not phrased in such a fashion.

I'm smiling because OF COURSE it also applies to me! That's not hidden. Notice the "also" and notice i am actually asking myself many questions and the point was to do exactly that. What motivates a person... are their actions really meant to improve things, or are they clinging to staying unwell for whatever individual reasons they might have? Ask any therapist you care to and i would wager you won't find any practicing therapist who has never met someone who works harder at staying put than at getting better.


I've run into many many people here that do not sound like they have any compassion or support in their lives at all. I know for me, at times I've felt all alone only to come to PC and found that there are others who have the same situations and feelings as I have. There is something tremendously encouraging about knowing I am not alone, that others are struggling as well. And being certain that *they* are strong enough to get through it makes me thinkg that maybe I am strong enough too. Maybe it seems like wallowing, but I think that's how support and encouragement works.

Naturally. That is in what i say... not once do i say that wallowing or being stuck is somehow wrong. It is absolutely true that many, i'd dare say most, people here have had little to no support and many have suffered miserably through terrible experiences. That's what creates the temptation... and if one does not become aware of that aspect of motivation, that seeking of validation repeatedly and specifically externally, then one can't really stop doing it. If you personally don't ever do any of what i say, then it shouldn't be an issue.

Validation and recognition are essential to growth and wellbeing. 100% essential. My point is that it can stop functioning in that capacity and become a sort of trap if one never questions one's self. Getting support isn't the issue in my post.


This sounds very 'black and white' to me. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, one or the other. Mixed feelings are ok. Do I want to get better? yes. Do I think I cannot? Sometimes.
Sometimes I am ambivalent, meaning I feel strongly towards both extremes at the same time.
Sometimes it comes in waves - one or the other. I think that is the ebb and flow of healing and recovering. One step forward, two steps back. And sometimes a big progress, or a big backslide.

I think it's a good question you're putting out there, Little Rhino.
I guess perhaps it would be better approached if it was from your own experience, rather than making assumptions and mind-reading what others are experiencing, and making sweeping generalizations.

i stand by it without doubt. i do realize that the automatic perception of the word attention will trigger assumptions but i have no desire to attempt to sway how people filter what they read. i don't mind read and basic behaviour doesn't require it.

it is what it is, it is what i see... take it or toss it as you choose