If your T is good, she will help you answer the questions you are asking....she will help you put your feelings about your parents into perspective......their purpose is to help sort through all the troubles we have in life......that is what we hire them to do...however it's not always what happens especially when we have very difficult things we can't talk about that are really the foundation of all our problems.

Alcoholism is an illness......something that without help your father can't stop any more than your SI. It isn't right, & there are many people who want to stop....but there usually has to be a reason they want to stop....if their life continues & they find no reason to change (like loosing their daughter possibly)....there will be no change. Sometimes it takes confrontation to get through that there is a problem.

I have realized that we are not strong enough to heal ourself or make ourselves better. Without therapy of some sort, & we have no one to hold ourselves accountable to for our actions, healing just doesn't happen as we just don't have the energy to force it let along the knowledge of how that healing.

I walked out of a 33 year marriage (that wasn't good) moved across the country all alone, not knowing anyone here. I have never been more happy & found true friends that I had never had before either. Also found a wonderful Psychologist that I just started with & am getting to know a bit....going to be a lot of work as I don't let things out from inside.....some I don't even think I know what's in there.....but when we are hurting on the outside such as with SI & other issues, we need to work on those things if we really want to get better.

That same desire of healing that you need to have is the same desire your parents need to have rather than being stuck in their rut also. Not easy for a daughter to let their parents know that they are the mess that has caused them to be the mess they are.....the truth hurts....& most of the time we don't want to hurt others let alone hurt ourselves. That is why we need a good T to help us know how to handle these situations so we don't have to figure out what to do on our own....as our T gets to know us, they will know better what we need to do for our healing & can help guide us into what actions we need to take.....& work with us on what to do.

Give the therapy a chance to work when you get back to NY....it isn't a quick fix, & real help takes a long time as it didn't happen overnight either.

You can do it......with good support. Glad your BF realized that he cared enough to go to CA for you......that says a lot about his feelings for you. His wanting you to get help for your SI is important.....anytimes we continue to let someone do something we know isn't ok & support them.....that ends up enabling them rather than helping them.....forcing isn't the right way either, but encouraging (which may feel like forcing at times) is important. I think if your BF sees that you are going to do something to get help for yourself when you get back to NY, you will continue to see his wonderful support.

HOping all this gets sorted out in your life.....remember we can't do it alone....the more support & help you get, the better it will go for you all the way around