I am hiding away in my room with tears falling down my face because I can't handle the situation. My house if full of boys playing games and eating all the food. The agreement with my son was that the boys who stayed over would be gone by noon and he would spend the afternoon on homework and choirs. More boys arrived this morning and my son just made them all lunch. The kitchen is pilled with dishes from last night. I had told them to clean up after they cooked themselves dinner but the best they did was pill them in the sink.

My son knows that I am really upset and knows that I can't say anything because I can't cope with the effects. If I say anything I will go belistic and go into such a rant that I won't make any sense and will just look like an idiot. And then I will be dombed to days and days of horrible distress. How do I know? Because that is always how it goes if I open my mouth when I feel this much stress. I am so angry that my son is ignoring our agreement and abusing me this way. That is what it feels like. Abuse. Taking advantage of my inability to parent when the rubber hits the road.

I will hide in here until they tire of what they are doing and then I will breakdown with my son and he will promise to do better and eventually get at his homework and eventually clean up the messes.

I want to go tell them all to go home but I can't because I know I will loose it. I want to go out into the garden but I can't because I know I won't get there before turning around and venting on everyone.

I woke up feeling lousy and this just makes me feel useless and trapped.