((((((sj)))))) If it helps at all, I know how you are feeling. I have spent my summer in and out of hospitals. I too feel the guilt and shame of being ill, and feel like it must be my fault for being a bad person. I feel like God must hate me, but, you know what, I don't believe that He could hate you or anyone else, so maybe that means that He doesn't hate any of us. You are a good person and I wish you all the luck in the world in getting through this. Also, I think our T's understand that we do test them from time to time, it's part of working through things. I apologize a lot to mine and she always understands. Hang in there. HUGS!