I did go in a shut the game down and tell them between the tears to go home or help my son clean up the house. I told my son no more gaming. Clean then homework. I barely got through two sentences without having to run to the bathroom and throw up. I melted down into a whaling cry fit that escellated to self harming myself in the bathroom to stop the pain. While they were doing the dishes I went out into the garden to try to calm myself down. I came back in after a couple of hours to see them gaming again and I told my son again to send his last friend home and get to homework. 30 minutes later his friend finally went home and I think now my son is finally doing his homework.

What seeing the game on represented was something I wanted to share with my son and to part of the excitment. I couldn't even watch it myself because I couldn't cope with the stress. Not being able to take the actions you all suggest without it causing me huge issues because of the stress and tension is really what is at the bottom of it all for me. It sounds simple and basic to do those things... to set boundaries.... to take control but the stress causes me so much pain and suffering I will opt to avoid starting anything or taking a stand just to save myself the pain.

It was good to go into the garden to escape but now I am totally wasted from the stress of the day and my brain is all a jumbled confusion and I can't think straight about much of anything. I know if I would have, could have inforced the agreement and help him to account that he would have complied but when I don't he pushs those boundaries and asks for forgiveness later. I want him to just do what he is suppose to do and spare me this crap that he knows is inevitable no matter how much I try to keep it together.

Now I will isolate and pout because I have no energy to resist and he will not even be able to reach me when he tries. He will make dinner and I will refuse to eat or talk to him and I will try to talk myself into behaving differently but I am not sure I have anything left in me to make myself do the right thing. I get caught between knowing what I should, could need to do to get past the meltdown effects but I am too afraid to open myself up to something else triggering overload. So I hide.